bitterfig

Yesterday I had lunch with my sister, her husband and kids and my brother-in-law’s mother and sister at the Hancock building.  Traffic was light because of the holiday so I was able to bike in.  There are people I work with who regularly bike 20+ miles a day but for me the five miles from my place near Logan Square downtown and back was a pretty long ride, definitely the longest I’ve attempted this year and it left me pretty exhausted.  This may have been for the best because I was actually able to sleep last night despite the war zone like noise levels that go along with the 4^th of July. 

 

Still, I do think I might need to start adjusting my calorie intake a bit for my level of activity.  I’m riding my bike fairly regularly now and I know that burns more calories than my usual walking but I’m still eating the same amount (around 1800 calories per day which according to thedailyplate.com is a little less than maintenance level for a sedentary person of my size).  I’ve been quite tired the past couple of days but also restless, I can’t seem to concentrate on anything and I think it may have to do with this but I’m afraid to eat more.  Every time I do manage to eat 1850 or 1900 calories during the course of a day I usually counter it by doing extra exercise or eating less the next day.  

 

I find it very frustrating that it’s still so difficult for me to make these adjustments.

 

On a more positive note lunch went well.  Everything seemed okay with my sister and I talked and had a nice time without drinking (or really eating since we had lunch at The Cheesecake Factory where about the only item that fits my caloric restrictions and vegetarian standards is a dry side salad). 

 

I don’t get downtown very often so following lunch I decided to pay a visit to the nearby MCA (Museum of Contemporary Art) and see the Jeff Koons exhibit.  When I got there, there was a sort of installation/performance piece called “Peace Salon” taking place out front on the plaza.  It was by Chicago based artist Genevieve Erin O’Brien and she was offering “free buzz cuts for peace.”

 

I picked up the handout that explained it, which I quote here:

 

“Participants who would like to make a commitment to peace are offered a free buzz cut.  By having their heads shaved, the artist believes that the participants are acknowledging their connection to a larger world around them.  In doing so, she believes that they are symbolizing their solidarity with out soldiers at war and honoring their sacrifices in their ongoing commitment to create peace.  Furthermore, my shaving one’s head O’Brien hopes that the individual is released from a physical attachment since she sees attachment—to ideas and things—as the source of war.  By shaving one’s head, the participant is choosing to be one step closer to peace.”

 

I thought this was a pretty interesting idea.  For me, cropped hair is associated not with soldiers but with holy people, monks and nuns.  It also inverts the 60’s notion of long hair as a symbol of rebellion and peace loving. 

 

An interesting idea.

 

And I’ve always been sort of curious about how I’d look with a shaved head.

 

So I decided to give it a go. 

 

I have to admit a big part of my motivation to go through with it comes from the fact that I’m going to visit the parents in Upstate New York on the 14^th.  “How Far Will You Go For Peace”, a sign near the installation asked.  I think I read it as “How far will you go to piss off your parents.”

 

I’m still trying to decide if what I did was very bold or very stupid.  I’ve never had my hair this short before so it’s going to take some getting used to.   If nothing else it'll be interesting to see how it effects my lesbo street cred. 

( more pictures of me with no hair )

I e-mailed my sister about how it had hurt my feelings when she told me I had embarrassed her and that I felt like I needed encouragement more than correction at this time.  She apologized so I guess we’re okay though I’m a little nervous about the upcoming holiday.  I’m off on July 4^th so I guess if I’m invited to any kind of family thing I need to try to go but either not drink at all or limit myself to two glasses at the most.  I feel like I always have to watch myself and keep a rigid control over myself though I guess that’s what everyone has to do if they want to function in the world. 

 

Last Monday, I had off from work and I did some painting for the first time in ages and finished my sister’s Christmas gift.  I like to give multi-part gifts and since my sister has been fascinated by Batgirl since we were children the first part of her gift (which I actually gave her in December) was a collection of Batgirl stories from the 60’s. 

The second part (which I finished last week) was a sort of Batgirl/Marie Antoinette painting.  The basic concept of the painting owes a lot to Ray Caesar, a digital artist who uses a lot of Batgirl and Catwoman type imagery, but it’s pretty much in my own style which is much more low-tech/decorative/folk art derived.

Amazing as it seems I've made it to and through Christmas without completely losing it. 

I was really dreading Christmas Eve, especially as I'd felt quite ill on the 23rd but didn't even have to work my full shift at the market.  I got sent home early and took advantage to go to a matinee of Youth Without Youth, the Francis Ford Coppala film starring Tim Roth.  It was very ambitious film.  Somehow it reminded me of something that might happen in Henry James, an American filmmaker aspiring to emulate the European masters but not quite knowing where they were coming from.  There’s some interesting stuff going on but it doesn’t quite come together, the scope is too broad and it ends up seeming haphazard and bizarre.  I was a bit disappointed; I’d really been hoping it would be a success.  Roth seems to make a point of working with interesting, prestigious directors (among them Coppala, Tim Burton, Wim Wenders, Werner Herzog) but for some reason the films they make with him are rarely among their best.

 

My father wanted me to go to a Christmas Eve church service and I wanted to be lazy and stay home where it was warm so I ended up handling the situation in a passive aggressive sort of way and not finding out when local services would be then looking on the computer and not being able to find any and even going out and driving around and not being able to find any. 

 

Today I just kind of loafed around and read and worked on the bread dough ornaments I’m trying to make for gifts.  In the afternoon I went to see Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd  which is basically about what Leonard Cohen called “the homicidal bitchin’ that goes on in every kitchen to determine who will eat and who will serve.”  I liked a great deal, the design of the whole thing (Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp’s ghoulish make-up alone would have been quite enough to keep me captivated) and the songs.  Stephen Sondheim is such a wonderfully witty lyricist, so dark and funny and horrible.    The barber singing to his razors is as chilling as John Hinkley Jr.’s love song to Jodie Foster in Assassins.  I was also rather amused to note that Sweeney Todd starred half the cast of the Harry Potter films—Alan Rickman (Snape), Helena Bonham Carter (Bellatrix Lestrange) and Timothy Spall (Peter Pettigrew).  Of course I loved the fact that Rickman played a nasty judge pursuing a much younger woman because it made the whole thing seem like a deliciously warped version of Sense and Sensiblity.

 

Presents.  Can’t forget presents. 

 

My parents and grandmother actually got their presents yesterday even though I didn’t mail them until Saturday.  I was very happy about that.  I was also very happy that I got a digital camera.  I’ve been wanting one for about a decade.  I am still in the process of figuring out how it works, but I managed to take some photos of myself looking ugly, both without make up and in my amateur attempt to duplicate the Sweeney Todd make-up….

( Trying out my new camera )

 

This years X-mas pin-up is War from Good Omens.  I got the idea of using her from a mishearing of the lyrics of John Lennon and Yoko Ono's song Happy Christmas (War is Over).  I thought it went "And so Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  Let's hope it's a good one without any war."  The lyrics are actually "Let's hope it's a good one without any fear" but it gave me the idea of doing a Christmas picture of War. 

Here she is.

I was scheduled to be off at the market Saturday, Sunday and today then yesterday I ended up having to call in because I had to take my car into the shop so I’ve had an unprecedented four days off.  Keep in mind of course that three of those days I’ve been working at the office but still, it’s nice to get away after the craziness of Thanksgiving week. 


I spoke to Mum last night and she pretty understanding about my working during her visit (I requested time off but was scheduled anyways).  I will have one day off during her visit, Sunday, so we can do something that day.  I’d like to take her down to see the windows of the State Street Marshall Fields (previously Macys).  My sister took her children and was showing some pictures she’d taken on Thanksgiving and the displays looked absolutely gorgeous—they’re scenes from the Nutcracker Suite, which is one of my favorite holiday stories. 

One of the versions of the Nutcracker I love the most is the picture book illustrated by Maurice Sendak.  I just started reading The Art of Maurice Sendak: 1980 to the Present, which I found in the library yesterday.  It’s a huge, beautiful oversized art book and the text is by Angels in America playwright Tony Kushner.  While I love Sendak’s earlier wrote, (Chicken Soup and Rice, What Do You Say Dear and Where the Wild Things Are were staples of my childhood) I’m fasinated by a lot of the things he’s done more recently-- dark, melancholy children’s stories like Dear Milli and Outside, Over There (which I've always thought influenced the film Labyrinth), art in his “old world” style, and more adult illustration and theatrical design (including The Nutcracker and the Holocaust themed dance production he created  with the Pilobolus Dance Theater at my old alma mater SUNY College at Purchase which is the subject of a documentary, The Last Dance). 

I’ve known for years that Sendak considers Mozart and William Blake huge influences but I was interested to learn that another is Herman Melville, particularly his novel Pierre or the Ambiguities which Sendak did a series of illustrations for.  I’ve never read Pierre. I know of it mainly because several years ago I saw a film, Pola X, that updated and adapted it (I actually saw his movie when I was on a visit to Chicago, at the theater in the  Fine Arts building on Michigan Avenue which has since closed).   I think I’d rather like to read it now if only to understand what’s happening in Sendak’s beautiful illustrations that evoke both the ballet and the works of William Blake. 

To celebrate their 40th Anniversary The Museum of Contemporary Art is waiving admission for 40 days between September 29 and November 14.  There’s an exhibit going on right now called Sympathy for the Devil: Art and Rock and Roll Since 1967 that I’ve been wanting get to and since I wasn’t working either of my jobs yesterday I decided to go see it while it was still free. 

 

I have to admit I’m a bit of a Philistine when it comes to Contemporary Art.  To me, about 90% of it seems like a con.  In fact my favorite Contemporary Artists are the ones like Jeff Koons and Andy Warhol who sort of acknowledge that they’re hacks.  Still, amidst the usual meaninglessly esoteric video and installation pieces there was some genuinely neat stuff in the show. 

 

My favorite pieces were in the area dedicated to artists/musicians from the Detroit area (the show was sort of divvied by geography—New York, L.A., Europe, Detroit, etc).  The Destroy All Monsters Collective, which is both a noise rock band and a group of artists made up of Mike Kelley (probably best known for the cover of the Sonic Youth album Dirty), Carey Loren and Jim Shaw (pop noir artist Niagara is also affiliated) had series of paintings modeled on sideshow banners and civic pride murals depicting the Detroit’s pop culture icons from White Panther leader John Sinclair to James Brown to Soup Sales to George “The Animal” Steele and Iggy Pop.

 

I also was intrigued by a video installation titled “The Spirit Girls: A Western Song” by Marnie Weber.   It was a film of about 24 minutes that followed a group of white faced women in 19^th century gingham dresses and straw hats who moved through a surreal and theatrical countryside and an old west type town.  The imagery was deeply seeped in Americana— farm animals, hobos, a Barnum and Bailey style circus, musicians playing the banjo and the saw.  According to the blurb outside the instillation, “The Spirit Girls” was about an imaginary all-female band whose members all died at the same time and was also inspired by the 19^th century Spiritualist movement. 

 

This really struck a chord with me as I spent many years obsessively collecting the recordings of all-female and female dominated bands in all musical genres and also because it gave me some ideas of what I want to be doing with my writing.  I’ve resolved to return to original writing and I’m interested in writing about the area I come from, the strange sense I’ve always had that a history of prosperity and significance existed simultaneously with a desolate present. 

 

Because of my parent’s interest in history and my own reading, I was always aware that the fallen down places along the roads once meant something, that the rickety old people they dragged us to see came from families that had at one time had mattered.  When I was growing up the past always seemed more important than the present

 

My parents were interested in agricultural history and the daily lives of ordinary people in the 19^th century, especially involving the hops trade in our area.  The areas of history that attracted me were of a different kind.  I paid attention when Edith Wharton mentioned familiar places in her novels like the train station in Utica or the seedy village of Richfield Springs which had apparently once been a summer destination for smart New Yorkers.  I was also fascinated by the idea that the very narrow-minded world I inhabited for so long had once been teeming with religious radicals.  It was in Upstate New York that Joseph Smith supposedly found the golden tablets on which the book of Mormon was written.  Of course that was outside Rochester, a couple of hours away.  Closer to home Ann Lee founded the Shakers, a sect that practiced celibacy but who would dance with abandon in services that sound almost like voodoo rituals and be processed by the spirits of Indians.  Then there was the Oneida colony, a utopian community founded before the Civil War that communal society that practiced a form of “complex” or group marriage. 

 

In the 1960’s where was a similar influx of radical ideas into the area but by the time I came along it had more or less dwindled into a few strange recluses raising sheep in the hills around Cherry Valley.

 

It’s a landscape I’ve always wanted to capture in fiction though I haven’t tried since I got away from it.  In a way “The Spirit Girls” was almost like a glimpse of the kind of thing I’d like to do, except with an actual narrative.

The Spirit Girls

I did a fairly unprecedented amount of socializing over the weekend. 

 

On Friday night after work I ended up hanging out with some other cashiers at a bar down and street and then on Sunday afternoon I went to a party at a co-worker’s apartment.  Keeping to my decision to avoid alcohol I didn’t have anything to drink, though I did smoke a bit of pot at the party.  I haven’t touched marijuana since I was a senior in college (circa 1993 or 1994).  I don’t have anything against it per say; I just dislike the physical act of smoking.  Also it’s illegal and even stupid laws can get you in trouble. 

 

I did two hits and I didn’t really get enough to affect me  (my technique being somewhat rusty).  Since I didn’t feel a pressing need to get high I left it at that though I could have had more.  That’s something I never seem to be able to do with alcohol. 

 

It was a pleasant little party and the after work get together was also fun so overall I feel quite good about them both.  It’s nice to know that I can be around people and even participate a little without getting totally fucked-up. 

 

Saturday I went to the 4th annual Renegade Craft Show (my sister and I actually participated in the first right after I got to Chicago).  It’s been in Wicker Park that past three years but this time it was a little to the South an Division just East of Damen.  And it was huge, tons of venders, heaps of nifty stuff.  I could have easily spent several hundred dollars but since I couldn’t I limited my purchases to a t-shirt with a pink squid silk-screened over orangey-pink and cream stripes.  I ran into my sister and she’d bought a vintage slip silk-screened with an octopus print.  They were from totally different vendors.  Apparently multi-armed aquatic creature motifs are popular amongst D.I.Y crafters.  I also picked up a ton of free cards, stickers and buttons.  My favorite little button that said “Brown Loves Pink”.  It was by a designer who used a lot of pink and brown in her work but I’m going to wear it as my final statement on Reservoir Dogs.

Pa-Daddy was in town from Friday morning until Tuesday evening.  He stayed at my sisters and I was working the whole time except for Tuesday but I managed to see him for at least a little bit each day. 

 

On Saturday I met Pa, my sister Vienna, her husband and the kids at the Bucktown Arts Festival at the rather undynamically named Senior Citizens Park.  I’ve gone to the Bucktown Arts Fest almost every year since I moved to Chicago four years ago and my sister has been making it a point to go there for even longer.  Overall it’s a really high quality show with some truly excellent artists showing.

 

Robert Snell is a favorite of both my sister and I.  He’s a soft-spoken blonde man who hardly looks older then a teenager and makes amazing, intricate little drawings with ballpoint pens, markers, maybe a little paint here and there.  These drawings are only a couple inches in size but are dense in layers of line lines.  Matted and framed they seem like illustrations or panels from a film noir/horror/science fiction comic book.  There’s a Tim Burton quality to Snell’s drawings.  They’re equally cute and frightening, dark and bright.  They aren’t very expensive either, just $50 each for the original drawings.  Because the prices are so low, my sister is usually able to pick up a couple at every show she sees him at (he also does Around the Coyote) and has amassed a fairly large collection.  She also gives them as gifts so I have two myself.  I wasn’t able to afford an original drawing but I did get a $15 print of a blue girl before a window with fishnet tights and spider eyes of empty darkness.  I’m going to try and write a story about her. 

( my print )

Another artist I really like who was there was Kass Copeland.  She does collages of old fashioned looking images juxtaposed with leaves, flowers and birds.  Most of them are mounted on wooden blocks making them seem like fantastic relics of a 19^th century where strange little girls with fairy wings an antenna posed from tintype photos. 

 

Another artist that really stood out for me was Amy Arnold, who makes felted wool stuffed toys that are really cute and crazy.  I would have dearly loved to take an armload of them home with me but sadly they were well beyond my price range (in the range of $150 to $200 a piece). 

 

And of course one of the most innovative artists at the show was a gentleman in a red fez and bowtie who goes by the name of Smarty Pants who works with balloons.   I’m not kidding, this guy was brilliant.  Easily the coolest balloon twister ever.  He took one look at my 5 year old nephew and made him a red and blue hat that actually looked like Spiderman and then proceeded to make him a webslinger—it looked sort of like a red gun with grey and black twisted balloons coming out of it as webs.  He made a little girl a Little Mermaid hat and another pink flamingo hat.  He made pirate hats with skulls and crossbones.  The guy was just miles beyond any balloon twister I’ve ever seen.  There was a woman with him named Miss Dena who was dressed as a fairy princess and did face painting.  She was also really good and could pretty much paint anything on a kid.  I was very impressed which is saying a lot because I’m dour and sour and  have no love for clowns or mimes or birthday party fun or anything like that.  My little nephew and niece were more or less beside themselves with delight. 

After my bike ride this morning I stopped at No Friction, a little coffee shop near California and Armitage that I’ve been meaning to go in for a while.  I don’t go to coffee shops and cafes very often because of my various money and food issues but sometimes it’s nice to be in a public place and just have a drink and read.  The last time I did this, a couple of weeks ago, I went to the Starbucks at California and Logan because it was a gorgeous day and they have a really lovely outdoor seating/garden area but overall I  prefer to support independently owned places as much as possible cuz I’d hate to see them go away. 

 

No Friction seemed really pleasant, cool and quite, lots of texture, some interesting art on display.  They had a community book shelf where you can bring books you don’t want, which I ought to do.  I have a few things I’ve read and didn’t care for or am never going to read or have multiple copies of that I may as well pass along. 

 

While I was drinking my iced-tea, I looked through a copy of The Chicago Tribune someone had left on the table.  In the “At Play” section there was a big article on the Chicago Craft Mafia and the whole DIY crafts scene.  My sister, Vienna, who made strange and amazing stuffed animals called Poog-goos, was fairly active in Chicago’s DIY craft scene a couple of years ago and I was marginally involved.  We participated in shows like Renegade Craft Fair, the DIY Truck show and Dept-Ment and she sold her stuffed Poog-goos in a couple of shops including the nifty but now defunct Monkey Business at Chicago and Damen and at Quimby’s on North Avenue.  I think she got discouraged because it took so much effort for her to make Poog-goos and they sold slowly.  Also even though the focus on DIY is supposed to be that things are handmade and unique but the Poog-goos individuality actually seemed to work against them and crafters who made things with a more assembly line feel to them were much more popular.  Also of course when she’d started out she had one child was very young and portable.  Having two active, mobile children made it a lot harder to make Poog-goos or do shows.  As for me between my job, depression and my increased focus on writing I went from being fairly prolific at knocking out dozens of nifty little figurines and paintings to being lucky if I can do a few drawings a month.   

 

So for the time being, both Vienna and I limit our participation in the DIY scene to occasionally attending the shows.  According to the article, there are quite a few coming up (all of these are in Chicago, IL)—

 

Renegade Craft Fair
Wicker Park
Noon to 10 p.m.
September 15-16
renegadecraft.com

 

DIY Trunk Show
Pulaski Park Auditorium
1419 W Blackhawk St.
10 a.m.-6 p.m.
November 17
diytruckshow.com

 

Chicago Craft Mafia Racket
Uncommon Ground
3800 N Clark St.
6-9 pm
September 26
chicagocraftmafia.com

 

I’m gonna try and go to all of these.  Maybe I’ll be inspired. 

 

I’m not someone who puts much stock in astrology but as I was continuing to read the paper I glanced at my horoscope--

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Today is a 7. There's a thin line between garbage, recyclables and priceless antique treasures. Sometimes they're all piled in together. Take extra care sorting.

 

I thought that was surprisingly apt in light of my thoughts regarding the my artwork as well as the community book shelf and also because my downstairs neighbors are moving out today and I’m planning on scoping the alley after they’re gone to see if they abandoned anything I can use.