bitterfig

Given that it has not been so terribly long since my complete physical and mental collapse I probably haven’t been taking the best care of myself the past couple days.  Sunday and Monday my schedule was as follows—Wake up at 6:30 a.m. and be to Biff’s office by 7:30 or quarter of eight.  Work there till noon, go home and get in a fifty minute workout before heading to work at the market till closing.  Yesterday I didn’t work at Biff’s at all but I had a long shift at the market and I ended up being so tired I didn’t work out.  I tell myself that this is okay.  Most people do not workout everyday.  My sister-in-law works out four or five days a week and it doesn’t seem to have affected her ability to run marathons so I’m going to try not to worry about it too much. 

Today was my day off but I had to go for training at the North Halsted store (which is actually only a couple of blocks away from my home store).  We’re getting new registers put in next week and had to learn the basics.  It wasn’t too bad though I always get a little rattled when faced with any kind of new method of doing something I’m used to doing a certain way.  Still, I think I can handle it.  It’ll be tough going at first, I’ll actually have to concentrate to do things I’m used to doing automatically but after a few days the new way will be automatic and I think it’ll actually be easier to do a lot of things and save time during cash up. 

It was cool to finally see the North Halsted store.  It opened in July but I’d never been there before.  It has more room than the Lakeview store where I regularly work and seemed fairly quite and slow paced.  Of course the thing that appeals to me the most about this particular branch of Whole Foods is that it’s located smack dab in the heart of teh gay.  It’s in the same building as the Howard Brown GLBT Health Center and Biff tells me it’s a very popular cruising spot.* I spent the training scanning the aisles for lesbilious ladies but it seemed like most of the shoppers were women with kids, not unlike at the Lakeview store. 

Of course having children in tow doesn’t automatically rule someone out as gay—I’ve mentioned Biff and his partner Jorge are going to have a baby.  A sonogram was done on the 15^th and they know for sure now it’s going to be a little boy!  Very exciting.  I’m going to start campaigning for Biff to name him after a Dr. Who character.  Not that I’ve ever watched Dr. Who mind you but Biff has a Dr. Who obsession that goes back about 25 years so I think it would be cool for him to name the baby after a Dr. Who character. 

I’m sure this is the sort of thing only a safely single, non-parent would think.  I’m still a little disappointed that my brother-in-law prevailed on my sister not to name my niece Calliope after her favorite Days of Our Lives character from the 80’s. 

After the training I went to Brown Elephant, the thrift store run by the Howard Brown Health Center which is right across the street from the North Halsted Whole Foods.  I bought a knitted pink hoodie which miraculously fit me despite being a small (no matter how thin I get I will never be a small person) and an armload of books.  I got copies of Slow River by Nicola Griffith and the poems of William Butler Yeats to replace the one I left at my parents in Upstate New York,  as well as a couple anthologies of erotica to help me with my writing, an oversized Spanish language comic book adaptation of Disney’s Alice in Wonderland, a book on Goddesses by comic book artist and historian Trina Robbins,  Where Angels Fear to Tread by E. M. Forester, The Phoenix and the Carpet by E. Nesbit (which I’ve long wanted to read) and Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities (which somehow I’ve never read). 

 

*It should be noted that Biff and his husband have been together since the mid 90’s so he probably has about as much clue as I do about popular cruising spots.

On Sunday I was working in the office but I took an hour off and met my sister and her family at the Renegade Craft Fair being held at the Pulaski Park field house.  I found a gift for my mother.  There was a vendor who made journal/sketchbooks out of old hardcover books.  One of them was made out of a 1951 Whitman Publishing company copy of Margaret Sidney’s The Five Little Peppers which was the exact same edition mum used to read us a chapter of every night for a bedtime story (she also read us Little Women and the Little House books this way.  I have my issues with mum but I do appreciate some of the things she did.)  She’ll either love it or think it’s horrible to cut up a book and make it into a journal. 

 

Last year I didn’t really give gifts as I was scarcely making my living expenses but I’m doing somewhat better now and am trying to get everyone something though I do wish I had more time and energy to make things.  In addition to the journal I also got my mother a pair of Bratz Lil’ Angelz holiday ornaments that she admired in Target when she was visiting.  They’re really cute with big heads and huge eyes.  I like dolls that are very exaggerated and cartoony and aren’t intend to look real.

 

I got my father a copy of the film To End All Wars, a film set in a prisoner of war camp during WWII.  I’d watched it a couple of months ago because I’m semi-obsessed with one of the actors who appears in it (Mark Strong) but I think he’ll find it interesting both for the historical element and it’s exploration of morality and spiritual issues.  It’s really an extremely powerful film, particularly in today’s climate where we’re being told that torture is acceptable and really being encouraged to view “the enemy” as less than human.  To End All Wars contains scenes involving a sort of primitive water-boarding and you realize it’s a horrible act of violence, not an “intensive interrogation” method.  Also, though the film is told from the perspective of Allied POW’s there’s a Japanese character, a translator, who is shown to be a kindred spirit to the narrator.  At its heart it really shows how honor codes trap men, Japanese and Western a like and how following the teachings of Christ is very much contrary to the ideas of good vs evil and us vs them that fuel wars. 

 

I’m also hoping to make some Christmas gifts.  A few days ago I bought some flour and salt (since I don’t actually have flour or salt in my apartment, the closest I get is textured vegetable protein and soy sauce) and am going to try and make bread dough ornaments.  I’ve haven’t gotten to it yet because 1) I had to work on stories that were due of 12/12 and 12/15 for 

fem_exchangeand yuri_challengeand 2) Winter weather makes my skin very dry and I get fissures in my fingers and I imagine kneading a dough made with a cup of salt would get very painful.  However I 've finished the stories and my hands seem to be healed so maybe tomorrow night....

 

It snowed on Tuesday night.  The first real snow of the year, everything blanketed in white.  I don’t like digging out my car or having to wear trekking around in boots but I’m still happy to have the snow, it makes it really feel like Christmas is coming. 

 

Mum stayed with my sister from Thursday until Sunday.  It was good to see her, but rather painful—she does push.  The minute she had me alone she started talking about how I should move back to upstate New York.  I could go back to work for the County and have health insurance that covered psychiatrist visits so I could have my medication monitored.  I could start a catering business using all the pots and pans she’s picked up at lawn sales and auctions.  At the very least I should quit my job at the market so I could come home over Christmas. 

 

I can’t help thinking that if I really meant as much to her as she says I do she’d accept my choice to live on my own in Chicago and not pressure me to move back home every time I saw her.  It’s very difficult for me to say no and I hate disappointing anyone but I have no intention of returning to my parents’ house. 

 

In fact, over the course of Mum’s visit she really reminded me why moving back is not an option.  She called and e-mailed from my sister’s constantly to make sure I was all right or just to inform me of what she was doing.  When I left my sister’s to return to my apartment she wanted me to call as soon as I got home.  When it rained on Saturday night she called several times to caution me to drive carefully.  On Saturday my sister’s family was taking her downtown to visit American Girl Place and have brunch with Ava, my brother-in-law’s mother.  I wasn’t planning on going because I had work later on and we’d discussed this but Mum still called early on Saturday trying to get me to come along and badgering until I had to say right out that I didn’t’ want to come because I haven’t been planning to come and I needed time to myself before work. 

 

This makes me feel inflexible and selfish, which I sort of am.  I realize that Mum feels persecuted and misunderstood by my father in New York and my sister in Chicago.  I’m very passive so I’ve always served as her ally, someone who will more or less go along with whatever she wants.  I don’t want to play this role but I don’t want to leave her on her own alone either, though in the end she’s going to have to work things out on her own.  That sounds harsh but I can’t sacrifice myself to appease her, which is what she expects from me.  

 

Not that her visit was unpleasant.  It was raining and my nephew was ill on Sunday so we didn’t go to see the windows on State Street as planned.  However we were able to go to some of the shops around the Damen/Division intersection with my sister which was fun.  Dozens of new shops have sprung up recently ranging from the super posh (Coco Rouge a high end chocolatier with a gorgeous décor combining red curtains and industrial design)  to the more accessible (Renegade Handmade, a shop put together by vendors from the Renegade Craft Fair).  I’ve started looking for Christmas gifts for people.  It’s not going to be easy on my budget but hopefully I can get small presents or make something for everyone. 

I did a fairly unprecedented amount of socializing over the weekend. 

 

On Friday night after work I ended up hanging out with some other cashiers at a bar down and street and then on Sunday afternoon I went to a party at a co-worker’s apartment.  Keeping to my decision to avoid alcohol I didn’t have anything to drink, though I did smoke a bit of pot at the party.  I haven’t touched marijuana since I was a senior in college (circa 1993 or 1994).  I don’t have anything against it per say; I just dislike the physical act of smoking.  Also it’s illegal and even stupid laws can get you in trouble. 

 

I did two hits and I didn’t really get enough to affect me  (my technique being somewhat rusty).  Since I didn’t feel a pressing need to get high I left it at that though I could have had more.  That’s something I never seem to be able to do with alcohol. 

 

It was a pleasant little party and the after work get together was also fun so overall I feel quite good about them both.  It’s nice to know that I can be around people and even participate a little without getting totally fucked-up. 

 

Saturday I went to the 4th annual Renegade Craft Show (my sister and I actually participated in the first right after I got to Chicago).  It’s been in Wicker Park that past three years but this time it was a little to the South an Division just East of Damen.  And it was huge, tons of venders, heaps of nifty stuff.  I could have easily spent several hundred dollars but since I couldn’t I limited my purchases to a t-shirt with a pink squid silk-screened over orangey-pink and cream stripes.  I ran into my sister and she’d bought a vintage slip silk-screened with an octopus print.  They were from totally different vendors.  Apparently multi-armed aquatic creature motifs are popular amongst D.I.Y crafters.  I also picked up a ton of free cards, stickers and buttons.  My favorite little button that said “Brown Loves Pink”.  It was by a designer who used a lot of pink and brown in her work but I’m going to wear it as my final statement on Reservoir Dogs.

After my bike ride this morning I stopped at No Friction, a little coffee shop near California and Armitage that I’ve been meaning to go in for a while.  I don’t go to coffee shops and cafes very often because of my various money and food issues but sometimes it’s nice to be in a public place and just have a drink and read.  The last time I did this, a couple of weeks ago, I went to the Starbucks at California and Logan because it was a gorgeous day and they have a really lovely outdoor seating/garden area but overall I  prefer to support independently owned places as much as possible cuz I’d hate to see them go away. 

 

No Friction seemed really pleasant, cool and quite, lots of texture, some interesting art on display.  They had a community book shelf where you can bring books you don’t want, which I ought to do.  I have a few things I’ve read and didn’t care for or am never going to read or have multiple copies of that I may as well pass along. 

 

While I was drinking my iced-tea, I looked through a copy of The Chicago Tribune someone had left on the table.  In the “At Play” section there was a big article on the Chicago Craft Mafia and the whole DIY crafts scene.  My sister, Vienna, who made strange and amazing stuffed animals called Poog-goos, was fairly active in Chicago’s DIY craft scene a couple of years ago and I was marginally involved.  We participated in shows like Renegade Craft Fair, the DIY Truck show and Dept-Ment and she sold her stuffed Poog-goos in a couple of shops including the nifty but now defunct Monkey Business at Chicago and Damen and at Quimby’s on North Avenue.  I think she got discouraged because it took so much effort for her to make Poog-goos and they sold slowly.  Also even though the focus on DIY is supposed to be that things are handmade and unique but the Poog-goos individuality actually seemed to work against them and crafters who made things with a more assembly line feel to them were much more popular.  Also of course when she’d started out she had one child was very young and portable.  Having two active, mobile children made it a lot harder to make Poog-goos or do shows.  As for me between my job, depression and my increased focus on writing I went from being fairly prolific at knocking out dozens of nifty little figurines and paintings to being lucky if I can do a few drawings a month.   

 

So for the time being, both Vienna and I limit our participation in the DIY scene to occasionally attending the shows.  According to the article, there are quite a few coming up (all of these are in Chicago, IL)—

 

Renegade Craft Fair
Wicker Park
Noon to 10 p.m.
September 15-16
renegadecraft.com

 

DIY Trunk Show
Pulaski Park Auditorium
1419 W Blackhawk St.
10 a.m.-6 p.m.
November 17
diytruckshow.com

 

Chicago Craft Mafia Racket
Uncommon Ground
3800 N Clark St.
6-9 pm
September 26
chicagocraftmafia.com

 

I’m gonna try and go to all of these.  Maybe I’ll be inspired. 

 

I’m not someone who puts much stock in astrology but as I was continuing to read the paper I glanced at my horoscope--

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Today is a 7. There's a thin line between garbage, recyclables and priceless antique treasures. Sometimes they're all piled in together. Take extra care sorting.

 

I thought that was surprisingly apt in light of my thoughts regarding the my artwork as well as the community book shelf and also because my downstairs neighbors are moving out today and I’m planning on scoping the alley after they’re gone to see if they abandoned anything I can use. 

Court went well yesterday, the case was dismissed and I was given my license back so that’s taken care of. Now all I have to worry about is sorting out the medical bills and insurance.

I celebrated my exoneration by going to see Stardust, which I thoroughly enjoyed. It was bit of a stretch at first to see Angela from My So Called Life as a fairy princess and even more a stretch to see Robert De Niro prancing about in ladies under-garments but over all it was lovely. Neil Gaiman is one of the few writers who can be witty, romantic, frightening and sexy all at one time and weave familiar things fresh stories. I found myself quite taken by Septimus (Mark Strong) a murderous black clad prince who’s a bit of a Snape figure (and has a truly lovely death).

As if going to the movies wasn’t enough I also treated myself to an omnibus three volumes in one edition of the Clamp manga XXXHolic and the first and third issue of Mystic Arcana, a new Marvel comic book title that focuses on occult themed characters. The first issue is devoted to Magick (Illyana Rasputain) the demon sorceress who was a member of the New Mutants. The third issue is about Scarlet Witch. Both of these are favorite characters of mine and the forth volume of the series focuses is Nico or Sister Grimm from Runaways. Issue two is about a character called the Black Knight but I don’t know anything about him.  Since I was a kid I’ve always been more interested in  female comic book characters than male. Maybe its because I don’t draw men very well.